Jo Hilton has lived through two ectopic pregnancies and six miscarriages
Jo is currently in the process of withdrawing from the morphine-based drugs and hoping to try other new things.
With every miracle pregnancy story she reads, and with every friend who announces they're expecting, Jo Hilton can't help but feel a deep sense of grief.
Jo will never be able to conceive and carry a baby to term after an emergency hysterectomy was carried out on her four years ago.
It is something she describes as "the hardest decision of my life."
The procedure came after years of devastating losses and health scares which have resulted in her not being able to work and her husband becoming a carer figure.
But they have one reason to remain optimistic.
The surrogate they are now hoping will carry their baby has become a close friend to them, and has offered up her own eggs, sparing the couple the cost of donor eggs.
This means the amount they now hope to reach through their GoFundMe page is £10,000 - rather than £15,000.
Jo is hoping to reach this goal by January, and help her reconcile fifteen years of devastating fertility issues and personal tragedies.
Tragic losses
The ex-council case worker was just nineteen when she had her first ectopic pregnancy, and still remembers the trauma of it.
"April 2, 1999. I was 20 minutes away from death and I was thirteen weeks pregnant. I will never forget that day."
In 2002, Jo found out she was pregnant again: "I prayed and prayed that the second pregnancy would not be an ectopic."
"I had never got to have a funeral for my first baby from that ectopic. If you have ever seen a 13 week foetus there is no denying it is a baby and not a sac."
"I had a priest come around at the hospital, but I never received her remains so her ashes were scattered in hospital grounds which is the usual thing to do apparently."
To her utter distress, her second pregnancy was ectopic.
Married to her first husband at the time, Jo recalls: "I was on the pill the whole time. None of the pregnancies were planned, but would have been wanted."
There followed five miscarriages in two years, and a breakdown in her marriage, leading her to file for divorce in 2005 at just age twenty-five.
The physical cost of the trauma
Although she was trying to get back on her feet, five months after her parting ways with her first husband she met James, an artist, online.
"He is the true love of my life and likewise. We were both surprised by the way we met but things fell into place without us really trying.
"So of course we wanted our own family. I had told James of my fertility troubles when we met and we knew we would face it all together."
Although she now had James by her side, Jo's fertility troubles worsened - and all the strain she'd been under impacted on her mental health.
After being diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, Jo needed further surgery to remove her ovaries. Shortly after she was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Then in 2006 Jo was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia, a painful condition which can prevent oral contraception from working in some women.
Jo now knew how she was getting pregnant whilst taking precautions but it was of no comfort to her.
Losing independence
Around the time her PTSD diagnosis prompted Jo to get seek counselling, James lost the aunt who had brought him up.
His aunt had, however, left him a sizeable inheritance, which allowed them to get married.
Although she is grateful for the safety net the money gave them, Jo is aware they are now in a position of asking for the necessary funds for surrogacy, and acknowledges they could have managed their finances better.
Soul mates: Jo and James on their wedding day in 2007
"Of course, looking back we made mistakes and were very naive about it all, and we admit we wasted some of the money. But back then surrogacy was never really in our mind set.
"We had hoped to still be able to conceive."
The couple did conceive in 2008, but it ended in a sixth and devastating miscarriage.
"In some ways this hurt more than the others because it was with my soul mate. We were distraught."
There was further sadness for Jo when she was discovered she had osteoarthritis and would need, at age 27, to use a walking stick. She was also no longer able to work.
It was a dent to her pride: "Having to stop working was the greatest adjustment of my life. I had worked from the age of 12.
"Health wise things just kept snowballing and it felt I wasn't in control of anything.
"We could not or would not claim benefits due to the amount we had inhertied."
Jo and James decided to look into IVF but were dealt a further blow as Jo's BMI was deemed too high.
"The hardest decision of my life."
By this time, her periods had become unbearably painful and heavy, and after scans and testing, she was told she needed a radical hysterectomy at age 31.
"I was booked in for Wednesday 6th October 2010. I dreaded it because everything was going to be so final.
"I remember a few days before the surgery I went into a department store to pick up a few bits and had to walk through the baby department.
"I just froze, started stroking a baby quilt and looked at all the clothes and cribs. I ended up in tears and James had to take me back to the car."
Jo is currently in the process of withdrawing from the morphine-based drugs and hoping to try other new things.
Surrogacy
There was a glimmer of hope three months later when a lady came forward via Facebook to offer being a surrogate for them, but when she herself fell pregnant, it was no longer an option.
In spite of feeling happy for her, Jo did have to contend with her own sadness.
In the meantime they looked into fostering and adoption: "We have a lovely home and lots of love to give.
"We were gutted when they said no due to my being on morphine based drugs."
A year later they had to cope with more disappointment when they were let down by a friend who offered to carry their baby.
This prompted Jo and James to go via a surrogacy agency. Their lifeline has been the potential surrogate who, in offering her eggs, has reduced their costs by £5000.
Now they are hoping to meet this target via their gofundme page and have just over £7000 to go before January 2016.
Jo already feels an immense sense of gratitude to those who have helped them.
"We have had so much love and support it has been amazing."
"Of course there will be some people who disagree, and that is fine, but they are not walking in our shoes."
"I know people have said, 'how can she look after a child if she can't work?'
"But the answer is 'being disabled doesn't make you incapable' and there are millions of disabled people who are very successful parents.
"If we are lucky enough to have a child through surrogacy then our child will have it drilled into them that work brings you great rewards.
"We are selling everything we can to get the money together, but we will have a shortfall, so if people can empathise and help then that is amazing.
"The surrogacy world is awesome and the surrogates who do this and turn their own lives upside down to help couples like us are truly amazing and we have met so many great people some of which are now family friends."
No comments:
Post a Comment